G-Eazy is mourning the death of his mother, Suzanne Olmsted.
The 32-year-old rapper, whose real name is Gerald Earl Gillum, took to Instagram on Wednesday to pay tribute to “my queen, my hero, my everything… my mom.”
“The shock still won’t let me accept the feeling that I’ll never get to hug you in person again,” he wrote, captioning a series of photos of his mother. “The tears won’t stop. My eyes hurt, my face hurts, my body hurts, everywhere hurts.”
Though he did not reveal his mother’s cause of death, the rapper wrote that he knows his mother is no longer in pain.
“There’s no safe place to hide and there’s no way to lay, sit, or stand that doesn’t hurt,” he wrote. “The pain is enormous. But I know you’re out of yours and that brings me peace. I love you so much.”
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In the Instagram carousel, G-Eazy shared black-and-white pictures of Olmsted, as well as images of the rapper from earlier in his life. In the last slide, G-Eazy included audio of an emotional voicemail left by his mother, in which she tells him how proud she is of him: “It’s just the beginning, Gerald … and I’m just so proud … I’ll talk to you soon … OK sweetie, I love you.”
The rapper described Olmsted as “the definition of super-human” and someone who “will always be my biggest inspiration.” He also reflected on his mother’s role in helping him seek treatment for his alcohol and drug addictions.
“As deeply as I was worried about you and your physical health, I didn’t realize the extent of just how worried you were about me until you sent me the hardest letter I’ve ever had to read,” he wrote. “Going to treatment for alcohol and drugs was my decision but your letter was what ultimately persuaded me.”
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He continued: “They say the opposite of addiction is connection, and I’d never felt more connected to you than I have in the past months. Coming home to this wasn’t easy, and nothing will ever be moving forward… but like you would always say, ‘one step at a time and don’t look at the summit.’ “
G-Eazy capped off his post noting that his mother loved him and his brother James Gillum “more than life itself” and that they loved her just as much.
“Our hearts are broken, but they are full of love and gratitude for the life you gave us,” he wrote. “With us always… we love you mom.”
G-Eazy has opened up about his close relationship with his mother before, revealing in a 2015 interview with Inside The Story that they bonded over smoking marijuana.
“I remember on my 18th birthday, she liked to smoke joints, I liked to smoke blunts, so I got her to smoke a blunt with me,” he said. “We sat down, got high together for the first time. It was a little anticlimactic. It was a little awkward, you know what I mean, being high with your mom. Now it’s all chill. Every time I go home, she’ll just totally smoke me under the table. That’s when we have our conversations and catch up.”
In 2017, Olmsted told the San Francisco Chronicle that she nurtured G-Easy’s passion for music from a young age.
“I believe all children should be exposed to music,” she said. “I found a very good piano teacher for him when he was in first grade. By the fifth grade, he wanted to learn composition. I prioritized things like that on a limited budget. As hip-hop and rap entered his world by the age of 11 or 12, I came up with a plan that I didn’t limit what he could listen to. I told him, ‘You can buy any CD you want, but at 9 o’clock we shift to classical music.’ “
She also opened up about leaving G-Eazy’s father, Edward Gillum, when the rapper was “very young.”
“I don’t say this much in interviews, but he had a very destructive father relationship,” she said. “Gerald is a depressive. His ability to name his depression has been stunning. My hope is that this (album, 2017’s ‘The Beautiful & Damned’) is his deepest delve into that. One needs to do that to come out of it. As his mother, I can also hear where the truth is and where the boastfulness is. That’s why I go to the shows. To hug him and tell him everything will be all right.”
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: G-Eazy mourns death of mom who inspired him to get addictions treated